1 00:00:04,072 --> 00:00:05,506 Jake, time to go. 2 00:00:05,573 --> 00:00:06,640 Get your stuff together. 3 00:00:06,707 --> 00:00:08,942 After you drop him off, you want to see a movie? 4 00:00:09,009 --> 00:00:10,778 Sure, that sounds good. 5 00:00:10,844 --> 00:00:12,880 Cool. Enjoy. 6 00:00:12,946 --> 00:00:16,117 Why don't you just tell me you've got a girl coming over? 7 00:00:16,184 --> 00:00:18,419 I didn't want to rub your nose in it. 8 00:00:18,486 --> 00:00:19,653 Thanks. 9 00:00:19,720 --> 00:00:21,555 She's gorgeous, by the way. 10 00:00:21,622 --> 00:00:23,191 Wonderful. 11 00:00:23,257 --> 00:00:25,193 Why are you putting Jake's stuff all over the house? 12 00:00:25,259 --> 00:00:26,694 Because I want this girl to see 13 00:00:26,760 --> 00:00:28,896 I'm not just another jerk trying to get her into bed. 14 00:00:28,962 --> 00:00:30,131 I'm a loving uncle. 15 00:00:30,198 --> 00:00:31,799 Who's trying to get her into bed. 16 00:00:31,865 --> 00:00:34,034 That's the loving part. 17 00:00:35,269 --> 00:00:39,407 Oh, this is the book I read to him at bedtime. 18 00:00:41,175 --> 00:00:43,077 You don't read to Jake. 19 00:00:43,144 --> 00:00:45,113 That's why you're going to the movies. 20 00:00:45,879 --> 00:00:47,248 Okay, ready to go. 21 00:00:47,315 --> 00:00:48,749 Is your skateboard still outside by the front door? 22 00:00:48,816 --> 00:00:50,184 Oh, sorry. I'll bring it in. 23 00:00:50,251 --> 00:00:52,220 No, no, leave it there. 24 00:00:52,286 --> 00:00:55,256 See, I do this thing where I kind of trip over it, 25 00:00:55,323 --> 00:00:56,857 then I bitch a little bit. 26 00:00:56,924 --> 00:00:58,726 You know, I'm harried, but lovable. 27 00:00:58,792 --> 00:01:01,695 You got everything? What about your schoolbooks? 28 00:01:01,762 --> 00:01:03,531 Oh, right. 29 00:01:04,865 --> 00:01:07,501 So, what time are you expecting Little Red Riding Hood? 30 00:01:07,568 --> 00:01:09,670 Oh, and I'm the Big Bad Wolf. 31 00:01:09,737 --> 00:01:13,307 Very clever, and not a bad game to play later. 32 00:01:14,842 --> 00:01:17,044 A little huffing and puffing and blowing... 33 00:01:17,111 --> 00:01:18,879 That's "The Three Little Pigs." 34 00:01:18,946 --> 00:01:21,149 Same wolf though, right? 35 00:01:22,116 --> 00:01:23,050 I got my schoolbooks. 36 00:01:23,117 --> 00:01:23,984 And your homework? 37 00:01:24,051 --> 00:01:25,219 Oh. 38 00:01:27,020 --> 00:01:28,021 You know, Charlie, 39 00:01:28,088 --> 00:01:29,523 if you took half the energy 40 00:01:29,590 --> 00:01:32,226 you put into manipulating casual sexual encounters 41 00:01:32,293 --> 00:01:34,828 and used it to actually build a relationship, 42 00:01:34,895 --> 00:01:36,063 you'd be a lot happier. 43 00:01:36,130 --> 00:01:38,332 Hard to imagine. 44 00:01:38,399 --> 00:01:40,401 Are you saying you never want to settle down? 45 00:01:40,468 --> 00:01:42,069 You mean get married? 46 00:01:42,136 --> 00:01:44,037 Let me tell you something, bunky. 47 00:01:44,104 --> 00:01:45,273 If you've got someone 48 00:01:45,339 --> 00:01:47,241 to clean your house and do your shopping, 49 00:01:47,308 --> 00:01:49,843 and you're getting some action on a regular basis, 50 00:01:49,910 --> 00:01:51,145 the only reason you need a wife 51 00:01:51,212 --> 00:01:53,013 is if you have some sick compulsion 52 00:01:53,080 --> 00:01:54,215 to give away half your stuff. 53 00:01:54,282 --> 00:01:56,550 What about kids? 54 00:01:56,617 --> 00:01:58,419 I already got one. 55 00:01:58,486 --> 00:01:59,653 And the best part is he leaves 56 00:01:59,720 --> 00:02:02,256 before we get sick of each other, right, dude? 57 00:02:04,091 --> 00:02:04,958 Okay, let's go. 58 00:02:05,025 --> 00:02:06,026 Bye, Uncle Charlie. 59 00:02:06,093 --> 00:02:07,060 See you next week. 60 00:02:07,127 --> 00:02:08,162 Where are your shoes? 61 00:02:08,229 --> 00:02:10,798 Oh, right. 62 00:02:12,666 --> 00:02:15,135 I've been so depressed since the divorce, 63 00:02:15,203 --> 00:02:16,737 I've gained eight pounds, 64 00:02:16,804 --> 00:02:18,906 and not one ounce went to my boobs. 65 00:02:18,972 --> 00:02:21,775 Honey, you're still better off without the rat bastard. 66 00:02:21,842 --> 00:02:24,712 But I miss the rat bastard. 67 00:02:24,778 --> 00:02:26,079 Listen to me, Kathleen. 68 00:02:26,146 --> 00:02:27,881 I thought I missed my husband too, 69 00:02:27,948 --> 00:02:31,519 but it turned out to be just a little prescription mix-up. 70 00:02:31,585 --> 00:02:32,986 Hi, Mom. 71 00:02:33,053 --> 00:02:34,154 There's my big boy. 72 00:02:34,222 --> 00:02:35,323 Don't I get a hug? 73 00:02:35,389 --> 00:02:36,857 Nope. Got to drain the lizard. 74 00:02:38,192 --> 00:02:40,328 Boys. 75 00:02:40,394 --> 00:02:41,895 Hey. 76 00:02:41,962 --> 00:02:43,096 Oh, hi, Alan. 77 00:02:43,163 --> 00:02:44,632 He left his homework in the car. 78 00:02:44,698 --> 00:02:45,766 Oh, thank you. 79 00:02:45,833 --> 00:02:47,868 Hang on. I have some bills you need to pay. 80 00:02:47,935 --> 00:02:50,271 Great. 81 00:02:50,338 --> 00:02:53,374 Hope they're really big ones. 82 00:02:55,709 --> 00:02:58,212 Hi. Alan. 83 00:02:59,580 --> 00:03:03,251 So, you, uh, you must be Judith's support group. 84 00:03:03,317 --> 00:03:05,018 It's funny 'cause, uh, 85 00:03:05,085 --> 00:03:07,621 I'm kind of supporting her, too. 86 00:03:09,657 --> 00:03:12,660 It's not funny ha-ha so much as... 87 00:03:12,726 --> 00:03:15,629 not funny. 88 00:03:15,696 --> 00:03:17,631 Ooh, cookies. 89 00:03:17,698 --> 00:03:20,634 Maybe this'll take the taste of foot out of my mouth. 90 00:03:21,902 --> 00:03:25,239 So, uh, who's the little baker among us? 91 00:03:30,043 --> 00:03:33,080 Mmm... foot. 92 00:03:33,146 --> 00:03:36,049 Can I have a cookie? 93 00:03:36,116 --> 00:03:37,184 Sure, sweetie. 94 00:03:37,251 --> 00:03:38,986 You are so cute. 95 00:03:39,052 --> 00:03:40,554 I know. 96 00:03:40,621 --> 00:03:42,155 You have a girlfriend yet? 97 00:03:42,222 --> 00:03:44,825 No, I'm a bachelor like my Uncle Charlie. 98 00:03:44,892 --> 00:03:45,926 So, you're never 99 00:03:45,993 --> 00:03:46,927 going to get married? 100 00:03:46,994 --> 00:03:48,429 No, as long as I got someone 101 00:03:48,496 --> 00:03:49,663 to clean my house, 102 00:03:49,730 --> 00:03:51,832 and some action on a regular basis, 103 00:03:51,899 --> 00:03:53,000 I don't need a wife. 104 00:03:54,802 --> 00:03:55,969 Excuse me? 105 00:03:56,036 --> 00:03:58,939 I don't want to give anybody half my stuff. 106 00:04:01,174 --> 00:04:03,977 Okay, bye-bye. 107 00:04:04,044 --> 00:04:07,047 * Men, men, men, men, manly men, men, men * 108 00:04:07,114 --> 00:04:09,917 * Men... * 109 00:04:11,452 --> 00:04:14,355 This is my favorite part of the house. 110 00:04:14,422 --> 00:04:15,989 I call it God's room. 111 00:04:16,056 --> 00:04:17,458 Are you religious? 112 00:04:17,525 --> 00:04:21,028 Oh, Tiffany, how can you not be when you look at... 113 00:04:21,094 --> 00:04:23,997 something like that? 114 00:04:26,133 --> 00:04:28,736 In fact, I'm always telling my... 115 00:04:28,802 --> 00:04:30,237 little nephew... 116 00:04:30,304 --> 00:04:34,207 what's important is this. 117 00:04:34,274 --> 00:04:37,244 Not the big house or the fancy car, or... 118 00:04:37,311 --> 00:04:39,580 all the expensive toys I'm always buying him. 119 00:04:45,953 --> 00:04:47,054 Wow, you're amazing. 120 00:04:47,120 --> 00:04:48,356 I don't know many guys 121 00:04:48,422 --> 00:04:50,391 that would make room in their lives 122 00:04:50,458 --> 00:04:51,959 for somebody else's child. 123 00:04:52,025 --> 00:04:53,861 Hey, he's family. 124 00:04:53,927 --> 00:04:56,096 What kind of a man doesn't make room in his life 125 00:04:56,163 --> 00:04:57,264 for his own family? 126 00:04:57,331 --> 00:04:58,632 ( door shuts ) 127 00:05:00,167 --> 00:05:02,336 Oh, look, it's my brother Alan, 128 00:05:02,403 --> 00:05:04,572 who I also made room in my life for. 129 00:05:05,906 --> 00:05:07,775 Excuse me. 130 00:05:09,543 --> 00:05:10,811 Bro! 131 00:05:13,013 --> 00:05:15,483 All right, you moron... 132 00:05:16,817 --> 00:05:18,452 ...what part of "stay out of the house 133 00:05:18,519 --> 00:05:20,421 so I can run around naked with a hot chick" 134 00:05:20,488 --> 00:05:21,288 didn't you understand? 135 00:05:21,355 --> 00:05:22,723 I'm sorry. 136 00:05:22,790 --> 00:05:24,792 I'm just too depressed to sit through a movie. 137 00:05:24,858 --> 00:05:27,361 And you figured ruining my evening 138 00:05:27,428 --> 00:05:28,529 would cheer you up? 139 00:05:28,596 --> 00:05:31,365 ( phone ringing ) 140 00:05:31,432 --> 00:05:33,401 You know, the movie was just a suggestion. 141 00:05:33,467 --> 00:05:36,704 Go bowling, Go sit on the curb. I don't care. 142 00:05:36,770 --> 00:05:39,873 Oh, leave me alone. Who's that? 143 00:05:39,940 --> 00:05:41,074 Judith, again. 144 00:05:41,141 --> 00:05:42,309 She's really upset with me. 145 00:05:42,376 --> 00:05:44,044 Oh, man, I'm sorry. 146 00:05:44,111 --> 00:05:46,113 Thank you. Now get out. 147 00:05:46,179 --> 00:05:49,082 Get out? She's upset with me because of you. 148 00:05:49,149 --> 00:05:51,419 Oh. Well, that's different. 149 00:05:51,485 --> 00:05:53,754 But still, get out. 150 00:05:53,821 --> 00:05:55,623 Your sexist, manipulative attitude towards women 151 00:05:55,689 --> 00:05:56,990 just got into Jake's head, 152 00:05:57,057 --> 00:05:59,226 and he spewed it out in front of his mother's 153 00:05:59,292 --> 00:05:59,993 angry women's support group. 154 00:06:00,060 --> 00:06:01,595 Wait a minute. 155 00:06:01,662 --> 00:06:04,598 Is it a women's support group that's angry, 156 00:06:04,665 --> 00:06:07,535 or a support group just for angry women? 157 00:06:07,601 --> 00:06:09,336 What difference does it make? 158 00:06:09,403 --> 00:06:11,304 Well, if they were already angry, 159 00:06:11,371 --> 00:06:13,106 then I'm less culpable. 160 00:06:14,374 --> 00:06:15,643 Okay, 161 00:06:15,709 --> 00:06:17,377 what did Jake say? 162 00:06:17,445 --> 00:06:18,946 Oh, not much; he just 163 00:06:19,012 --> 00:06:19,980 parroted your line 164 00:06:20,047 --> 00:06:21,482 about how women are only good for sex 165 00:06:21,549 --> 00:06:22,816 and cleaning the house. 166 00:06:25,252 --> 00:06:27,087 You didn't really say that? 167 00:06:27,154 --> 00:06:28,889 No, no, no, no. 168 00:06:28,956 --> 00:06:30,123 What I said was 169 00:06:30,190 --> 00:06:32,626 is that there's really no reason to get married 170 00:06:32,693 --> 00:06:35,128 if you've already got somebody to clean and... 171 00:06:38,766 --> 00:06:43,704 You want to go to the movies with me? 172 00:06:43,771 --> 00:06:46,373 Man, Jake's going to love this video game. 173 00:06:46,440 --> 00:06:47,908 Listen to this. 174 00:06:47,975 --> 00:06:51,144 16 levels of ultra-realistic murder and mayhem. 175 00:06:52,713 --> 00:06:58,385 24 flesh-ripping weapons, plus gratuitous nudity. 176 00:06:58,452 --> 00:07:00,353 Let me see that. 177 00:07:00,420 --> 00:07:03,390 "Scooter's Magic Tree Fort"? 178 00:07:03,457 --> 00:07:06,527 Scooter's a zombie. 179 00:07:06,594 --> 00:07:07,861 ( phone ringing ) 180 00:07:10,464 --> 00:07:11,899 It's Tiffany. 181 00:07:11,965 --> 00:07:14,434 She's still talking to you after last weekend? 182 00:07:14,502 --> 00:07:15,469 What can I tell you? 183 00:07:15,536 --> 00:07:16,937 I'm hard to stay mad at. 184 00:07:18,138 --> 00:07:19,439 Hello? Oh, hey, Tiff. 185 00:07:19,507 --> 00:07:22,442 I've been thinking about you all week. 186 00:07:24,845 --> 00:07:27,447 Yeah, we did get off to a bad start, 187 00:07:27,515 --> 00:07:29,483 and I really blame myself. 188 00:07:29,550 --> 00:07:32,586 No, I'd love to try again. 189 00:07:32,653 --> 00:07:34,354 Um, I'm going to get Jake, 190 00:07:34,421 --> 00:07:36,289 but I'll leave the front door unlocked 191 00:07:36,356 --> 00:07:39,026 in case Satan shows up to collect your soul. 192 00:07:39,092 --> 00:07:40,628 Wait a minute, Alan. 193 00:07:40,694 --> 00:07:42,796 I got to put you on hold a sec, Tiff. 194 00:07:42,863 --> 00:07:44,898 How come Judith's not bringing him over? 195 00:07:44,965 --> 00:07:46,399 I don't know; Judith asked me to do it, 196 00:07:46,466 --> 00:07:48,068 and I just got tired of arguing. 197 00:07:48,135 --> 00:07:51,138 She still busting your chops about what Jake said? 198 00:07:51,204 --> 00:07:52,706 Look, blame it on me. 199 00:07:52,773 --> 00:07:54,508 Tell her I'm sorry. 200 00:07:54,575 --> 00:07:55,275 She won't buy it. 201 00:07:55,342 --> 00:07:59,479 Sure she will. 202 00:07:59,547 --> 00:08:03,517 Just keep shoveling it on till roses start growing in it. 203 00:08:03,584 --> 00:08:04,852 Poor Satan. 204 00:08:06,386 --> 00:08:09,657 He'll come for your soul and he'll leave empty-handed. 205 00:08:13,326 --> 00:08:15,563 Hey, Tiff, I'm back. 206 00:08:15,629 --> 00:08:16,530 Whoa. 207 00:08:16,597 --> 00:08:19,266 That's kind of harsh. 208 00:08:19,332 --> 00:08:22,002 Hey, wait a minute... Hello? 209 00:08:24,337 --> 00:08:26,306 Oh, I see. 210 00:08:26,373 --> 00:08:28,676 That's not the "hold" button. 211 00:08:33,413 --> 00:08:34,682 Hey. Is Jake ready? 212 00:08:34,748 --> 00:08:35,916 Not exactly. 213 00:08:35,983 --> 00:08:37,718 Maybe you should come in for a second. 214 00:08:37,785 --> 00:08:39,620 Judith, how many times have I asked you 215 00:08:39,687 --> 00:08:41,221 to have him ready when I...? 216 00:08:43,490 --> 00:08:44,592 Hello. 217 00:08:44,658 --> 00:08:45,593 Sit down, Alan. 218 00:08:45,659 --> 00:08:46,594 We want to talk to you. 219 00:08:46,660 --> 00:08:48,128 "We"? 220 00:08:48,195 --> 00:08:50,598 Yes. Sit down. 221 00:08:51,565 --> 00:08:53,601 Okay. 222 00:08:53,667 --> 00:08:55,603 I guess I can stay for a minute. 223 00:09:00,007 --> 00:09:04,177 Hmm. No cookies. 224 00:09:04,244 --> 00:09:05,512 No cookies. 225 00:09:05,579 --> 00:09:08,782 Um, Alan, Jake is not here. 226 00:09:08,849 --> 00:09:10,517 Why not? Where is he? 227 00:09:10,584 --> 00:09:12,485 He's sleeping over at a friend's. 228 00:09:12,552 --> 00:09:13,654 What are you talking about? 229 00:09:13,721 --> 00:09:14,588 This is my time with him. 230 00:09:14,655 --> 00:09:15,623 Yes, I know, but... 231 00:09:15,689 --> 00:09:17,224 Judith feels she can no longer 232 00:09:17,290 --> 00:09:18,592 allow her son to be exposed 233 00:09:18,659 --> 00:09:21,194 to the toxic influences of your brother. 234 00:09:21,261 --> 00:09:23,664 Whoa. Wait a second. 235 00:09:23,731 --> 00:09:24,531 We have a custody agreement. 236 00:09:24,598 --> 00:09:25,866 Yes, but Judith feels 237 00:09:25,933 --> 00:09:28,001 that the welfare of her son supersedes that. 238 00:09:28,068 --> 00:09:31,639 You can't do this. Yes, she can. 239 00:09:31,705 --> 00:09:33,206 Who are you? They're my friends. 240 00:09:33,273 --> 00:09:35,943 What the hell do your friends have to do with this? 241 00:09:36,009 --> 00:09:37,010 We love and support her. 242 00:09:37,077 --> 00:09:38,278 We won't let you bully her. 243 00:09:38,345 --> 00:09:41,281 Okay, first of all, can the person I talk to 244 00:09:41,348 --> 00:09:43,150 be the person who answers me? 245 00:09:43,216 --> 00:09:45,018 That's fair. 246 00:09:45,085 --> 00:09:46,654 Okay, I don't want to talk to you people. 247 00:09:46,720 --> 00:09:47,855 This is between me and Judith. 248 00:09:47,921 --> 00:09:49,522 You're absolutely right. 249 00:09:49,589 --> 00:09:51,224 Judith, tell him what we agreed. 250 00:09:51,291 --> 00:09:54,027 Okay. You can see Jake on weekends, 251 00:09:54,094 --> 00:09:56,163 but not at Charlie's house. 252 00:09:56,229 --> 00:09:57,665 But that's where I live. 253 00:09:57,731 --> 00:09:59,532 I'm sorry, Alan, but you'll just have to choose 254 00:09:59,599 --> 00:10:01,134 between your son and your brother. 255 00:10:02,670 --> 00:10:03,637 You know what? 256 00:10:03,704 --> 00:10:05,272 Maybe I have a problem 257 00:10:05,338 --> 00:10:08,375 with Jake being in this toxic environment. 258 00:10:08,441 --> 00:10:09,843 And I am not leaving 259 00:10:09,910 --> 00:10:13,246 until you bitter old crones are out of my house, 260 00:10:13,313 --> 00:10:14,915 and I have my kid back. 261 00:10:20,220 --> 00:10:21,554 All right, all right, you can stay, 262 00:10:21,621 --> 00:10:23,056 but I want my kid. 263 00:10:26,626 --> 00:10:28,762 Okay, I'll go. 264 00:10:36,136 --> 00:10:37,104 Morning. 265 00:10:37,170 --> 00:10:40,173 Hey. 266 00:10:40,240 --> 00:10:41,675 Where are the pancakes? 267 00:10:41,742 --> 00:10:43,210 What pancakes? 268 00:10:43,276 --> 00:10:45,378 You always make pancakes on Saturday morning. 269 00:10:45,445 --> 00:10:46,279 I make 'em for Jake. 270 00:10:46,346 --> 00:10:47,080 Jake's not here. 271 00:10:47,147 --> 00:10:49,316 Kind of weird without him, huh? 272 00:10:49,382 --> 00:10:50,751 Yes. 273 00:10:50,818 --> 00:10:51,919 Would it lift your spirits 274 00:10:51,985 --> 00:10:53,787 if you made pancakes for me? 275 00:10:56,256 --> 00:10:57,624 I'm sorry, man. 276 00:10:57,691 --> 00:10:59,159 I told you to blame it all on me. 277 00:10:59,226 --> 00:11:02,462 Charlie, they had moved way past blame. 278 00:11:02,529 --> 00:11:06,599 It was more like a jihad. 279 00:11:06,666 --> 00:11:09,169 Except with no cookies. 280 00:11:09,236 --> 00:11:12,105 Your big mistake was dealing with them as a group. 281 00:11:12,172 --> 00:11:13,941 The trick with women is to split 'em off 282 00:11:14,007 --> 00:11:15,675 from the herd one by one... 283 00:11:15,743 --> 00:11:20,647 otherwise they spook and you risk a stampede. 284 00:11:20,714 --> 00:11:22,850 Kind of like buffalo. 285 00:11:22,916 --> 00:11:24,852 In fact, I'll bet 286 00:11:24,918 --> 00:11:26,419 that's where that song comes from. 287 00:11:26,486 --> 00:11:28,989 * Buffalo gals, won't you come out tonight * 288 00:11:29,056 --> 00:11:31,324 * Come out tonight... Do you hear yourself?! 289 00:11:31,391 --> 00:11:33,160 "Buffalo gals"? 290 00:11:33,226 --> 00:11:34,461 Are you insane?! 291 00:11:34,527 --> 00:11:36,797 This is the kind of talk that started this whole mess! 292 00:11:36,864 --> 00:11:39,733 I didn't write the song, Alan. 293 00:11:41,634 --> 00:11:42,669 Morning. 294 00:11:42,736 --> 00:11:44,371 Morning, Berta. 295 00:11:44,437 --> 00:11:46,073 What, no pancakes? 296 00:11:46,139 --> 00:11:47,640 Jake's not here this weekend. 297 00:11:47,707 --> 00:11:48,876 Why not? 298 00:11:50,243 --> 00:11:53,713 Apparently, Jake took something I said out of context 299 00:11:53,781 --> 00:11:55,783 and repeated it in front of his mother, 300 00:11:55,849 --> 00:11:58,952 and she overreacted, as is her nature. 301 00:11:59,019 --> 00:12:00,520 What did you say, numb-nuts? 302 00:12:00,587 --> 00:12:04,491 Well, if your domestic chores are taken care of by one woman, 303 00:12:04,557 --> 00:12:07,327 and you have an active sexual life with other women, 304 00:12:07,394 --> 00:12:09,662 you don't necessarily need yet another woman 305 00:12:09,729 --> 00:12:11,999 with whom to tie the matrimonial knot. 306 00:12:12,065 --> 00:12:15,468 Oh. And which category do I come in under? 307 00:12:15,535 --> 00:12:18,671 Well, I got to say it's the sweet lovin', Berta, 308 00:12:18,738 --> 00:12:20,673 'cause this place is a mess. 309 00:12:20,740 --> 00:12:22,275 ( knocking ) 310 00:12:22,342 --> 00:12:23,676 Morning, everybody. 311 00:12:23,743 --> 00:12:26,513 I brought real maple syrup for the pancakes. 312 00:12:26,579 --> 00:12:28,015 There's no pancakes, Rose. 313 00:12:28,081 --> 00:12:29,382 Because Jake's not here. 314 00:12:29,449 --> 00:12:31,418 'Cause Charlie's an idiot. 315 00:12:31,484 --> 00:12:33,686 Oh. Why? 316 00:12:33,753 --> 00:12:34,654 I mean, 317 00:12:34,721 --> 00:12:35,722 why is Jake not here, 318 00:12:35,789 --> 00:12:37,090 not why is Charlie an idiot. 319 00:12:37,858 --> 00:12:39,492 Because we know that. 320 00:12:39,559 --> 00:12:40,928 EVELYN: Hello? 321 00:12:40,994 --> 00:12:43,563 Where's my grandson? 322 00:12:43,630 --> 00:12:45,365 Oh, God, make this stop. 323 00:12:45,432 --> 00:12:47,400 Good morning. 324 00:12:47,467 --> 00:12:48,468 Hi, Mom. Good morning. 325 00:12:48,535 --> 00:12:49,202 So, where's Jake? 326 00:12:49,269 --> 00:12:50,570 Ask Charlie. 327 00:12:50,637 --> 00:12:52,539 Yeah, ask him. 328 00:12:52,605 --> 00:12:54,774 Well, Charlie? 329 00:12:58,078 --> 00:13:01,448 See? Just like buffalo. 330 00:13:05,652 --> 00:13:07,220 No, Evelyn, I'm sorry. 331 00:13:07,287 --> 00:13:09,222 I certainly want you to be able to spend time 332 00:13:09,289 --> 00:13:12,059 with your grandson, but I just don't want him around Charlie. 333 00:13:13,460 --> 00:13:16,263 Why? Why do you think? 334 00:13:16,329 --> 00:13:17,965 That's right. 335 00:13:19,666 --> 00:13:21,935 No, his attitude towards women is not a reflection 336 00:13:22,002 --> 00:13:23,770 on you or how you raised him. 337 00:13:23,837 --> 00:13:24,737 ( whispers ): Yes, it is. 338 00:13:24,804 --> 00:13:26,239 ( knocking ) 339 00:13:26,306 --> 00:13:27,740 Look, there's someone at the door. 340 00:13:27,807 --> 00:13:29,642 I've got to go. 341 00:13:29,709 --> 00:13:32,245 No, Evelyn, I don't think this would seem less important 342 00:13:32,312 --> 00:13:33,981 if I was "getting a little." 343 00:13:37,851 --> 00:13:39,987 Judith, can't we talk about this? 344 00:13:40,053 --> 00:13:41,688 There's nothing to talk about, Charlie. 345 00:13:41,754 --> 00:13:44,424 Okay, don't talk. Just listen. 346 00:13:44,491 --> 00:13:45,625 I love Jake, 347 00:13:45,692 --> 00:13:47,694 and I would never intentionally do anything 348 00:13:47,760 --> 00:13:48,996 to influence him in a negative way. 349 00:13:49,062 --> 00:13:50,730 I don't care about your intentions. 350 00:13:50,797 --> 00:13:51,965 Okay. 351 00:13:52,032 --> 00:13:53,800 I'm a jerk, I'm immature, 352 00:13:53,867 --> 00:13:55,402 I'm self-centered, I'm... 353 00:13:55,468 --> 00:13:58,939 Hi, I'm Charlie. 354 00:13:59,006 --> 00:14:00,773 Yes, we've heard about you. 355 00:14:00,840 --> 00:14:02,943 And I'll bet none of it's good. 356 00:14:03,010 --> 00:14:04,577 I'm sorry. What is your name? 357 00:14:04,644 --> 00:14:05,678 Linda. 358 00:14:05,745 --> 00:14:07,114 Linda. Really? 359 00:14:07,180 --> 00:14:09,816 I once had my heart broken by a woman named Linda. 360 00:14:09,883 --> 00:14:11,751 Charlie, we're having a meeting. 361 00:14:11,818 --> 00:14:13,887 And I'll bet it was about me. 362 00:14:13,954 --> 00:14:15,588 Am I right? 363 00:14:15,655 --> 00:14:17,690 Come on. Be honest... 364 00:14:17,757 --> 00:14:18,926 Mandy. 365 00:14:18,992 --> 00:14:22,662 Mandy. I love that song, "Mandy." 366 00:14:22,729 --> 00:14:24,231 Charlie... 367 00:14:24,297 --> 00:14:26,967 Listen, I know I can't come in here 368 00:14:27,034 --> 00:14:29,302 and ask to be forgiven for some of the stupid things 369 00:14:29,369 --> 00:14:31,538 I've said in front of Jake... 370 00:14:31,604 --> 00:14:35,909 but I do have the right to say I'm sorry, don't I? 371 00:14:35,976 --> 00:14:38,411 I suppose. 372 00:14:40,180 --> 00:14:42,549 Thank you. And you are? 373 00:14:42,615 --> 00:14:44,784 Kathleen. 374 00:14:44,851 --> 00:14:47,988 Kathleen, a fine Irish name. 375 00:14:48,055 --> 00:14:51,091 Well, half Irish, on my mother's side. 376 00:14:51,158 --> 00:14:52,926 Are you and your mom close? 377 00:14:52,993 --> 00:14:55,528 I guess. 378 00:14:55,595 --> 00:14:58,365 I envy that, Kathleen. 379 00:14:58,431 --> 00:15:00,000 Me and my mom... 380 00:15:00,067 --> 00:15:01,935 Okay, Charlie, give it a rest. 381 00:15:02,002 --> 00:15:03,503 We're not a bunch of sorority girls 382 00:15:03,570 --> 00:15:05,872 you can charm with your big brown eyes. 383 00:15:05,939 --> 00:15:08,308 And nice smile. 384 00:15:09,977 --> 00:15:11,711 Thank you, Mandy. 385 00:15:11,778 --> 00:15:12,712 Linda, I admit 386 00:15:12,779 --> 00:15:14,047 I-I sometimes 387 00:15:14,114 --> 00:15:16,349 relate to women on a very superficial level, 388 00:15:16,416 --> 00:15:18,685 but I think that's because... deep down, 389 00:15:18,751 --> 00:15:22,389 I-I-I have intimacy issues that probably go back to my mom. 390 00:15:23,991 --> 00:15:26,093 My mother crippled me emotionally. 391 00:15:28,561 --> 00:15:29,396 You, too? 392 00:15:29,462 --> 00:15:30,863 And I am so afraid I'm making 393 00:15:30,930 --> 00:15:32,865 the same mistakes with my daughter. 394 00:15:32,932 --> 00:15:35,002 Well, you know what, uh... 395 00:15:35,068 --> 00:15:36,903 Ruth. 396 00:15:36,970 --> 00:15:38,205 Ruth. 397 00:15:39,606 --> 00:15:40,940 That's the same fear 398 00:15:41,008 --> 00:15:42,109 I have with Jake, Ruth. 399 00:15:42,175 --> 00:15:45,078 I've clearly made mistakes, 400 00:15:45,145 --> 00:15:47,580 but that's because I'm human, 401 00:15:47,647 --> 00:15:49,216 and after all... 402 00:15:49,282 --> 00:15:51,051 what are we trying to do with our children 403 00:15:51,118 --> 00:15:55,822 other than to raise them... as humans? 404 00:15:55,888 --> 00:15:58,225 Oh, stop it, Charlie. 405 00:15:58,291 --> 00:16:00,493 "Our children"? You have no children. 406 00:16:00,560 --> 00:16:02,195 That's true. 407 00:16:02,262 --> 00:16:05,665 Although I don't think it's fair to throw it in my face. 408 00:16:08,101 --> 00:16:09,569 I mean, some of us haven't been blessed 409 00:16:09,636 --> 00:16:12,272 with the little ones the way you have. 410 00:16:12,339 --> 00:16:14,574 That was uncalled for, Judith. 411 00:16:19,079 --> 00:16:22,082 Look, I'm being real up-front with you 412 00:16:22,149 --> 00:16:24,717 about the mistakes I've made with Jake, 413 00:16:24,784 --> 00:16:26,753 how I've influenced him... 414 00:16:26,819 --> 00:16:30,590 but let's talk for a minute about how he's influenced me, 415 00:16:30,657 --> 00:16:37,164 how this... little boy has made me... a better man. 416 00:16:39,799 --> 00:16:42,069 Oh, dear God, you're not going to listen to this crap, 417 00:16:42,135 --> 00:16:44,571 are you? WOMEN: Shh! 418 00:16:44,637 --> 00:16:46,073 No, I will not shh! 419 00:16:46,139 --> 00:16:47,607 He's lying to you. 420 00:16:47,674 --> 00:16:49,442 It's all he does: lie, lie, lie! 421 00:16:49,509 --> 00:16:50,943 You've got to believe me! 422 00:16:51,010 --> 00:16:52,812 It's okay. It's all right, Judith. 423 00:16:52,879 --> 00:16:54,614 We're all here for you. 424 00:17:00,953 --> 00:17:02,889 Okay. 425 00:17:02,955 --> 00:17:04,624 Who's ready for a refill? 426 00:17:06,559 --> 00:17:08,295 Oh, that kid. 427 00:17:08,361 --> 00:17:11,098 What are you going to do, huh? 428 00:17:11,164 --> 00:17:13,066 Charlie, where's the little girl's room? 429 00:17:13,133 --> 00:17:15,001 It's down the hall to the right, 430 00:17:15,068 --> 00:17:16,903 and around here we leave the seat up, 431 00:17:16,969 --> 00:17:18,871 so don't just drop trou and back in. 432 00:17:18,938 --> 00:17:20,740 Oh! You're terrible. 433 00:17:20,807 --> 00:17:23,176 I'm serious. I'm not coming in there with the shoehorn. 434 00:17:25,145 --> 00:17:27,814 You're getting a little pink there, Kathleen. 435 00:17:27,880 --> 00:17:31,084 Turn around. I'll put some more suntan lotion on your back. 436 00:17:31,151 --> 00:17:33,186 Okay. 437 00:17:34,053 --> 00:17:35,988 Hi, Alan. 438 00:17:36,055 --> 00:17:37,324 Hello. 439 00:17:37,390 --> 00:17:39,025 You have a lovely home. 440 00:17:39,092 --> 00:17:41,694 Thank you. 441 00:17:41,761 --> 00:17:42,895 Uh, what's happening? 442 00:17:42,962 --> 00:17:44,264 Oh, a bunch of us came over 443 00:17:44,331 --> 00:17:46,032 to have a little wine in God's room. 444 00:17:46,099 --> 00:17:47,400 Why don't you join us? 445 00:17:47,467 --> 00:17:49,236 Thank you. 446 00:17:51,238 --> 00:17:54,073 What the hell? 447 00:17:54,141 --> 00:17:57,144 CHARLIE and WOMEN: * Buffalo gals, won't you come out tonight * 448 00:17:57,210 --> 00:17:59,346 * Come out tonight, come out tonight * 449 00:17:59,412 --> 00:18:02,149 * Buffalo gals, won't you come out tonight * 450 00:18:02,215 --> 00:18:05,752 * And dance by the light of the moon. * 451 00:18:07,187 --> 00:18:09,556 ( knocking ) 452 00:18:11,958 --> 00:18:13,025 Hey, Dad. 453 00:18:13,092 --> 00:18:15,061 Hey, pal. 454 00:18:15,128 --> 00:18:16,929 What's, uh, what's going on? 455 00:18:16,996 --> 00:18:19,566 I want my friends back. 456 00:18:19,632 --> 00:18:20,667 I'm sorry. What? 457 00:18:20,733 --> 00:18:21,701 Hi, Uncle Charlie. 458 00:18:21,768 --> 00:18:23,903 There he is! How you doing, buddy? 459 00:18:23,970 --> 00:18:25,071 We missed you around here. 460 00:18:25,138 --> 00:18:26,105 I slept over at Toby's house. 461 00:18:26,173 --> 00:18:27,374 Cool. 462 00:18:27,440 --> 00:18:29,108 Jake, honey, go put your stuff in your room. 463 00:18:29,176 --> 00:18:30,743 Okay. 464 00:18:30,810 --> 00:18:32,078 He's staying? 465 00:18:32,145 --> 00:18:33,380 Okay, here's the deal. 466 00:18:33,446 --> 00:18:35,915 We go back to the original custody arrangement, 467 00:18:35,982 --> 00:18:37,717 but with one new condition. 468 00:18:37,784 --> 00:18:38,885 What's that? 469 00:18:38,951 --> 00:18:43,190 Charlie agrees to never ever enter my house again. 470 00:18:43,256 --> 00:18:45,258 Done. 471 00:18:46,859 --> 00:18:48,895 Want some wine? 472 00:18:48,961 --> 00:18:50,397 Charlie... 473 00:18:50,463 --> 00:18:52,232 yeah, sure, why not? 474 00:18:57,136 --> 00:18:58,971 How? 475 00:18:59,038 --> 00:19:03,376 I told you, I'm hard to stay mad at. 476 00:19:04,677 --> 00:19:06,145 Anyway... 477 00:19:06,213 --> 00:19:07,747 they're your problem now. 478 00:19:07,814 --> 00:19:10,383 I'm going to hang with Jake till Tiffany gets here. 479 00:19:24,063 --> 00:19:25,498 What? 480 00:19:25,565 --> 00:19:27,500 You got a normal-sized head. 481 00:19:28,501 --> 00:19:31,204 Thanks. I'm pretty happy with it. 482 00:19:32,104 --> 00:19:33,340 Well, I don't get it. 483 00:19:33,406 --> 00:19:34,441 What don't you get? 484 00:19:34,507 --> 00:19:35,742 I heard Mom say the reason 485 00:19:35,808 --> 00:19:37,610 Uncle Charlie gets into so much trouble 486 00:19:37,677 --> 00:19:39,879 is because he thinks with his little head. 487 00:19:43,082 --> 00:19:45,785 It's not that little. 488 00:19:47,186 --> 00:19:48,855 Okay, you tell your mother... 489 00:19:48,921 --> 00:19:49,889 Charlie... 490 00:19:51,324 --> 00:19:53,593 ...that women are to be honored and respected. 491 00:19:53,660 --> 00:19:54,927 See, Jake? 492 00:19:54,994 --> 00:19:56,062 That's the big head talking. 493 00:19:56,128 --> 00:19:59,266 But he only has one head. 494 00:20:00,900 --> 00:20:02,302 Do you want to tell him, 495 00:20:02,369 --> 00:20:04,070 or should we let him spin for a while? 496 00:20:04,136 --> 00:20:05,605 I'd rather he spin. 497 00:20:05,672 --> 00:20:08,207 Oh, come on. At least give me a clue. 498 00:20:10,410 --> 00:20:11,644 All right. 499 00:20:11,711 --> 00:20:14,080 What do men have that women don't? 500 00:20:14,146 --> 00:20:16,583 Beards? 501 00:20:16,649 --> 00:20:18,285 Lower. 502 00:20:19,252 --> 00:20:21,821 ( lowering voice ): Beards. 503 00:20:26,058 --> 00:20:27,994 You're right. Let him spin.